I am so incredibly tired of being sick. I don’t know how much more I can take. It started with surgery on the lump in my back, January 2017. Then a 2nd to clear margins. Then my Panniculectomy in March. Then a repeat and breast reduction in September. Then strep throat and viruses all winter, and a couple tonsil abscesses. Then trying to get the surgeon to take me seriously when I said the lump in my right breast was painful and wasn’t just “unsettled breast tissue.” He finally diagnosed that on May 30th (from early March when I first complained). I was on antibiotics from then through November 6th. The antibiotics all make me lethargic and sick – high dose pills and IV meds. On June 3rd we discovered I was pregnant so that slowed down my healing process, not only because pregnancy suppressed immune processes. But because we had to be careful about antibiotic types and their safety to the baby. So on top of the sick feelings from the meds, I had morning sickness and other normal pregnancy related symptoms. Then I got off the antibiotics and within a couple days I felt super sick, extreme lethargy, dizziness/vertigo, depression. I asked the doctor if maybe it was a withdrawal or rebound effect from the long term antibiotics and he told me it couldn’t be. He drew blood and ordered a few tests. Nothing out of the ordinary. It passed and then as of 1 week ago I got really bad sinus drainage. I was told it was a virus and to drink water and use a LOT of nasal spray. Right now it’s almost 2am, making this night #5 in a row without sleep. I’m so very congested that I can’t breathe. When I do manage to doze off, I start coughing so much I pee. And I don’t mean just a dribble. So much that wearing pads or rags has given me a lot of irritation and/or possibly a yeast infection. I can’t lay down or I cannot breathe at all. I have to sit up in bed all night.
Meanwhile Jarrod is working 50+ hours per week. So he’s gone a lot and when he’s home he’s asleep. I feel very alone. And it sucks.
I just want to be well. I want to be able to cuddle and sleep at night. I want to be able to work. I want to be able to breathe. Why can’t I just fucking be well already???!? I feel as though I’m never going to feel like myself again. There’s just always something wrong. One thing after another. And I HATE it.